Well, it’s happened.
I moved. I’m at college! Well, sort of. I am doing a gap year program called OneLife. (Information here)
In one of the first sessions, the speaker had us walk out of our classroom into a larger room where there were a bunch of papers displaying highway signs. He told us to “Think about where we are in our walk with God, choose a sign that reflects our spiritual journey and where you think God wants you to be.”
Almost immediately I found a yield sign and knew that’s the one I was supposed to take. As I sat back down and started pondering my “sign”, I thought through how I would explain why I chose what I chose. I began writing in my notebook everything that was running through my mind. I wrote out how two years ago I went through a rough year and how again recently I have been struggling with the same things. It doesn’t make sense to me why here of all places- in the most God-centered, Christ-seeking, loving, encouraging environment I have ever been- I am being broken in the same ways.
I kept trying to make it better. I tried to fix myself. I keep thinking that life is something I could deal with on my own.
I can’t. I can’t fix myself by myself. I am too broken, too far gone to have a hope of mending myself. But thank God I don’t have to.
That’s why I chose the yield sign. It feels like God is (again) showing me I need to completely yield myself to him.
When I talk things into my control I worry, I become hesitant.
My fear of the unknown caused me to consider dropping the whole OneLife thing. I was too scared. I had no idea what it would be like. I didn’t know how anything could be better than what I’d already had.
But, after being here for almost exactly two months, I can say this will probably turn out to be one of the best decisions I ever make. This year is going to be unbelievably challenging, exhausting, but probably the best learning experience of my life. Even though I hated the idea of meeting new people, I now can’t imagine my life without them.
I want to leave you with this thought: Yield to God. Everything. I’m not saying he will cure you, or fix whatever’s broken. But yielding to Him is the first step to true healing. Give Him your anger and bitterness and worries and fears. He died a gruesome horrible death so you don’t have to live with darkness filling you. He took the darkness (anger, bitterness, worry and fear) upon himself. We like to take it back over and over and make it our own. Give it to Him. Cast your burdens on him who bears your load. Take up His burden instead, because His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He will lead your soul beside the still waters. You will have peace and rest in Him. He is good and He is kind and He is there. He is always there.
